“Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again.” – Rosa Parks. Treating someone badly is just bad whether you or the other person did it. Because they are hurt, and unconsciously trying to get others to strengthen their paradigm of pain is the opposite direction of turning towards the path of healing and growth. She still hadn’t been able to break the cycle with me even after a decade of friendship. Instead, simply express how you feel and explain how you want to move forward. Bottom line: They might not be truth. 57. Think about how their pain or situation to have hurt you. When we say something to another person it’s good to check and see if we are really just projecting what we feel about ourselves. There's a natural law of karma that vindictive people, who go out of their way to hurt others, will end up broke and alone. Because most of us don’t know how to generate our own love we go into survival mode when we’re hurt. It’s easier to react than it is to respond. In retrospect, it was some kind of "revenge" for his ex. Words do hurt people. You can break the cycle of negativity, criticism, and abuse. Tip toeing around another person’s edges out of fear of how they’ll react is no way to live life. The most hurt and traumatized among us will do anything to protect what little self-respect is left. These are not things I am proud to admit, and they’re not things I’d recommend or condone. People unconsciously cast projections of their own self-loathing on to others as a sort of survival mechanism. Their reactions stem from past experiences that led them to certain beliefs that they accepted as truth. Alone Anger Law. Even when it is unintended, some people find it intolerable to hurt someone they love. I know it’s fucking hard. 38. We know they don’t truly want to hurt us — they are just protecting themselves and attempting to avoid mental and emotional pain. After a few years of friendship, she finally told me that it made her feel wanted and loved when people contacted her first. They often continually hurt the ones they love and need the most with their self-destructive behavior. When you are punished, your sense of guilt seems to dissolve at that moment. Each of us may have experienced being heartbroken. Tiny Wisdom: When We Hurt People Because We’re Hurting ... And I thought about how justified I felt in hurting others, especially when they’d hurt me first, or failed to really help. This helps you become more … If you knew what was in store for you, you wouldn't hurt anybody, because whatever you do comes back much more forceful than you send it … Think about how their pain or situation to have hurt you. We might run away, numb out, shrink down, or lash out in anger. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer.” – Dan Pearce. If you are still hurting out there, have faith. I had a friend who would never contact me first. Bullies hurt others with their words and actions. You don’t have to fall into your natural, default behaviors. While some mistakes are in our control, others are not. He said he backed away from me because he wanted to see if I would quit on him and leave the friendship myself. We don’t need to feel hurt in the process as they take themselves down. Talk with others that you trust about what you did and how you’re feeling after hurting someone. They may just be preconceived notions projected onto others in order to protect one’s ego. If somebody hurts you then the best thing that you can do … For example, if you feel hurt by someone's actions, you may get closure by confronting the wrongdoer and trying to forgive them. If you’ve done something that hurt them, you need to apologize as well. Unless you have hurt the person in some way, know that they are acting from a place of pain and a yearning desire for love. It's really hard when you hurt someone you love, and it feels awful when someone you love hurts you, but getting hurt is a part of life. Take a look, Why Some Good People End Up in Bad Relationships, “What are you getting your partner for Christmas?”, Imagine If We Started Writing Letters Again, Partition Drew a Line Between Us and We Dared to Cross It. We are so concerned with hurting others that we will go out of our way to avoid putting someone else in a compromising situation. A person who is actually dangerous may have a history of assault and will feel a desire to hurt others. […] Hurt People Hurt Others, But They Hurt Themselves More […], […] Catfishers often have self-esteem issue, or have been harm themselves. Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow. If you are hurt, you`re alive. Hurt people have a hard time entering into a trusting relationship. Osho. I was broken for many years so I can understand where people are coming from when they behave in certain ways. 57. Dare someone else accidentally touch our wounds, we act as if they caused them. Now that you have talked it out, do you want to salvage the relationship? In all situations you can help them move from grief to healing. When I said I didn’t want to be friends I just wanted to see if you’d fight for our friendship.”. Allowing our own ego to get tripped the fuck out when someone projects their word vomit onto us is hard not to do. When we look at it from this perspective, how can there still be blame and fury cast towards those that bring up our shadows? When sharing your own feelings, speak from a place of “I”. Because they are hurt, and unconsciously trying to get others to strengthen their paradigm of pain is the opposite direction of turning towards the path of healing and growth. Reacting is a million times easier than responding. Each of us may have experienced being heartbroken. Hence, she was manipulating me to see if I would react a certain way. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.” Great topic and you did such a wonderful job here discussing both being hurt and hurting others. “With love, you should go ahead and take the risk of getting hurt because love is an amazing feeling.” – Britney Spears. It hurts for everyone. Remember that hurt people hurt people and it is not about you. Let That Shit Go: Because Hurt People Hurt People & It’s Not Always About You – waytomuchtoosay, To the Girl Who Catfished Me for 9 Months Whereas I Had Most cancers | {{site_title}}, Here’s The Most Important Thing You Can Do After A Break-Up, I’m Choosing To Forgive You So We Can Both Be Free, This Is For The Girls Who Are Carrying The World On Their Shoulders, Hurt People Do Not Hurt People—Unhealed People Do, 260+ “Hurt Quotes” About Hurt Feelings and Healing, Forgiveness Is A Very Difficult Art But It Will Heal You, How To Wake Up To The Part Of You That You Haven’t Learned To Love. If you are hurt, you`re alive. It takes strength and courage to take a step back and remind ourselves: Other people’s reactions are not about us, they are about them. She responded very quickly with “I’m SO glad you contacted me. She was hurting inside and dealing with insecurity about who she was as a worthy human being. Why hurting people hurt others. I have a heart for people who are broken. 4. He wanted the decision to leave to be on me so he could walk away scot free. I think they realized they are hurting us, but they don’t care because they have dumped us in the “past loves” basket. Sadly, many people who are carrying hurts are left … I was striving to be better in certain areas of my life and I didn’t understand why the feedback had to be so harsh. She was hurt and wanted to feel that I truly loved her. It is a fact of life. He fell in love with his ex after a few weeks of dating and wanted to marry her. But you must know that apology is necessary after you've hurt the emotions of others. We cannot respond from a place of logic let alone compassion when cortisol is surging through our bodies and our hearts are closed up in a self-imposed prison cell. Bottom line: The go-to coping mechanism hurt people embody is to rationalize their reactions by creating stories that make those actions seem A-OK. “What weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellow men. I’ve come to believe that just because others hurt us, that doesn’t mean we have to continue the cycle of abuse. 6. Stopping someone from hurting you when they don't care about your feelings is difficult because you can't control what do to you. Be Humble Sylvester Stallone. No need to get back to me — just wanted to send some good thoughts your way.” I was even unsure about sending this message because I didn’t want to dishonour her. We will not find forgiveness from marinating in our hot bath of angry memories and offenses done to us. #10 Evaluate the relationship. When they seem to not care a whisper about how hard we tried to offer loving kindness. Hurt people often carry around a suspicious spirit. 38. People too have hurt me and the way I see it is that they do it intentionally because of their inner hurt or unintentionally. Being isolated, singled out, and made to feel less is not fun. If you take this route, try not to blame the other person for what happened. In some situations you can help them find the silver lining in some disastrous situation. Nobody else is responsible – only you and you alone. Sometimes a person acts with malicious intent, desiring to hurt you because they don’t like you or they’ve chosen to be offended by you. We’ve all been there, and not reacting and taking offense is undeniably fucking hard. Throughout Scripture Christians are told to love others. Hurting people often don’t love themselves enough so they look for love and approval from others. In 2 Corinthians 9:8 Paul says, “God is able to make all grace abound to you so that in all things and at all times having all that you need you will abound in every good work.” If the root has already spilled out and hurt others, go and confess your sin to them. As always, example is … Because you are, and you are more than your past mistakes. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. You can offset those feelings by redirecting them to something that they do well. The sting don’t last forever, the nostalgic moments don’t last forever. The constant mistreatment is hurtful to victims of bullying because, on some level, this typically has an adverse impact on their lives. Not only words said directly to the person, but words said when that person is not around. They want to feel better so they will wait until their ego is gratified — that feeling of the ego being filled up enables them to feel positive about themselves. Because nobody wants to be alone at the proverbial pity party. Treating someone badly is just bad whether you or the other person did it. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer.” – Dan Pearce. But for the majority of us, we hurt others because we’re in pain. Not caring about your feelings will already hurt, but there are other sides to look at. Say something like, “I was really hurt by what you did. Don’t rescue, accept or buy into how they want you to react. People experience both emotional hurt and physical hurt. They are actually just preconceived ideas projected onto others to protect their ego. Carlos Castaneda. Compulsions include: Removing debris from sidewalks, stairways, rooms, hallways, or other public walkways. Hurt is the protective function of your soul. People too have hurt me and the way I see it is that they do it intentionally because of their inner hurt or unintentionally. This helps you become more … The person may try to resist those urges because of the likely consequences, but not because the idea of acting on the thoughts or urges is incredibly unsettling. This may seem obvious, but too often I hear something along the lines of, “Oh they’re just having a hard time,” as a defense for someone behaving in a harmful way. Today, my friend Deana from Frugal Homeschooling Mom, shares 5 Verses that will help when you have been hurt by others.. Deana writes: A friend messaged me on Facebook tonight. And so we cause others to suffer. Get off my lawn with your projections and pure potent BS. Hurting quotes will let you realize the agony of being hurt. You are not able to prevent others from hurting you, but you can prevent yourself from hurting others. Alone Anger Law. Supporting a partner in crisis while you’re also hurting is all too common in the lives of people under average circumstances and recently life ... What if the hurt is there because of a negative experience with ... Focus on that part of you that cares for the other and give them the chance to care for you. #11: Hurting deep inside is one of the signs that you have allowed yourself to love because the only ones who can hurt you are the ones you love deeply. Have you ever gone to a dinner party that you really didn’t want to go to, but rather than call and cancel, you attended the party because you didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings? 37. I know it’s fucking hard. Another friend recently backed away from me. Bullies hurt others with their words and actions. This is because they are hurt and are in need of healing – the kind that only Christ can bring. Reacting is a million times easier than responding. It served her for a long time so she did it. 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